I've taken the to do list posted on an earlier blog and updated it into a list of long term goals.

*Find a full time job
*Find a part time job
*Find an apartment in philly
*Get PA Driver's License or ID
*Research college and B.A programs.
*Research funding for college
*Look into a new hobby or volunteering.
*Finish collage and get my B.A
*Look into employment and/or M.A program in NY.
*Find housing in NY
*Relocate to NY once housing, employment and/or placement in M.A is secured.

Thats about it. I've written these down on a 8x11 sheet of paper in large lettering and have posted them on the wall next to my bed. Hopefully this will keep me on track when over I get depressed, fustrated, overwhelmed or distracted.

Any suggestions or advice is welcomed.

I envy my friends who have the ability to use their medium of choice as a outlet to release those intense, overwhelming, complex, confusing and distressing emotions, be it music, art, dance, poetry, or just being able to articulately talk about them. Every time I try to release or articulate these emotions by writing or art it refuses to come out, it just gets stuck. They just build up to the point where these emotions overwhelm me, become almost maddening, and I freak out.


The closest relief I've ever had was crying as a last resort. I can't tell how many times and over how many things I've ended up crying, from quiet tears to huge sobbing breakdowns. Its one of the things I hate about myself. Its unproductive, has a tendency to happen in inappropriate places and situations (such as work), and puts a strain on my friendships. People have only so much patience before they write you off as a hopeless, neurotic, drama queen with a shit load of emotional baggage who's a drag to be around. This in turn (in my opinion) has not only compromised my quality of life but has made me extremely weary of placing myself in situations that leave me venerable and open to these distressing emotions.

Perhaps these overwhelming emotions which I am not able to write about directly make it easier for all the self-doubt, low self-esteem and worth, and self-criticism that I can usually push to the back of my mind in order to keep functioning to flood in and mix with these distressing emotions, making it at times almost impossible to function.

Perhaps I will always be to self-conscience to express these intense, overwhelming, distressing emotions in a more concise, articulate and productive way. I tried last night to write about these feelings and the particular situations which gave rise to these emotions last night but it was just too intense for me to handle. Once again they just wouldn't come out and form coherent phrases, sentences, paragraphs or even words....

There is a proliferation of computer languages today like never before. In this page, i list some of them.

In the following, i try to list some of the langs that are created after 2000, or become very active after 2000.

perm url: http://xahlee.org/UnixResource_dir/writ/new_langs.html

Infamous photo fakes. http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/photostore/chi-080710-photo-fakes-photogallery,0,2972551.photogallery

For several years, i've seen a video circulating on the web, of a nude gymnast doing tumbling. She did pretty well from my untrained eye. I always thought it was just some girl who trained in gymnastics and did the vid. Today, i saw a vid on youporn: http://youporn.com/watch/28924/nude-gymnast/; http://youporn.com/watch/64500/rumana/. The vid includes a brief subtitle. She is actually gold gymnast Corina Ungureanu↗ (b1980) and has appeared in Playboy.

 From LJ... I'll still check in periodically - but I get the strange feeling that things are about to get real hectic in my life.

Hint #1 - Saturday morning had to take Dad into the ER for shortness of Breath... they admitted him for an elevated Postassium level and put him on Oxygen

Hint #2 - Monday morning find out the Doctor had ordered an MRA of the renal arteries.

Hint #3 - Tuesday morning found out that the Doctor had requested a vascular suregery consult.

Hint #3 - This morning find out that Dad has a small blockage in the renal arteries BUT that vascular wants to watch it for a while. So, they are discharging him later today with orders for periodic home blood work, aids, physical therapist and possibly oxygen....

SO yeah - busy busy busy.... I may not comment but I will be checking every so often -

Aloofness vs Approachable

Xah Lee, 2008-07

Xah Lee wrote:

〔

Fundamental Problems of Lisp http://xahlee.org/UnixResource_dir/writ/lisp_problems.html 〕

Jon Harrop wrote:

〔

Xah, I love you, we should become friends!

There seems to be no real contents in your postings, only some pseudo scientific Lisp bashing. Exactly the same art I'm specialized in.

Congrats, keep up your good work! Together we will win them all! 〕

perm url: http://xahlee.org/UnixResource_dir/writ/aloof_vs_approachable.html

( Read more... )

Hi David.

r u, like, trying 2 b a dumbass, or u trying 2 b divisive?

i can play a round of game with u or 2.

In this thread, so far there r 2 morons. One is Pascal J Bourguignon (congratulations Pascal!). The other is you. Congrat.

* * *

sometimes i wonder why there are these fucking morons slaving in newsgroups. Are they like, having nothing to do? Yes, i think that is the reason. I too, have nothing to do. But at least i think i have some redeeming qualities. While, on the other hand, these massive number of fuckheads that slave in newsgroups, although perhaps suffering from loneliness to a lesser degree than me, but, their knowledge, moral quality, philosophical outlook, depth of humour, is at a level equivalent to skateboard toting teens. Thus, the behavior, actions, of these morons at boredom, is rather insufferable.

perm url: http://xahlee.org/UnixResource_dir/writ/techgeeking_morons.html

( Read more... )

Some more comments for this thread. (and thanks for all the feedback)

On the issue of keymaping, modifier keys, ergonomics... part of the problem is the keyboard hardware itself.

The standard keyboard out there used by some 99% of computers worldwide, namely the PC keyboard or Microsoft keyboard; is derived from the design of type writers.

perm url: http://xahlee.org/emacs/keyboard_problems.html

( Read more... )

Fundamental Problems of Lisp

... Since i'm writing... n i wrote a lot in the past on diverse issues scattered in various essays... i'll sum some fundamental problems:

perm url: http://xahlee.org/UnixResource_dir/writ/lisp_problems.html

( Read more... )

Hey gang! I'm still in California till tomorrow night, but seeing as we're all just waiting around for Andy to wake up, Jake and Ian are about to play magic and I have Andy's laptop, I decided to write up how my trip was.

Ian picked me up at the airport and we just kinda caught up all the way back to his house.

(CRAP, LOW BATTERY AND THE CHARGER IS IN ANDY'S ROOM. WILL FINISH WHEN ANDY IS AWAKE.)

OK first off, I have nothing against babies or people that want or have them. 

I DO have a huge problem with authors that can not write a romance novel with a HEA unless at the end of the book the heroine is pregnant. PLEASE! If you have to get her pregnant do it early in the book... let her deal with the doubts of does he love me for me or is he with me because of the baby. Don't make it a "Oh you're pregnant! WONDERFUL! Now we can live HEA!" I always feel that unsaid is "Because you know if we didn't have kids we couldn't be happy."

I HATE that stereotypical crap. It is so ingrained in our society that you have to have kids, that someone like me who is physically incapable of having kids is pitied. I've heard the "Oh have you tried invitro?" and "Well you can always adopt" till I want to slug the next person who says it. Went through all that - the doctor told me invitro most likely wouldn't work for me, because of my specific medical issue. I've tried adoption - even had a meeting set up with a pregnant teen but she miscarried. So I did look into both and neither worked for me. BUT to say that my life is lacking in some way because I don't have a child? PLEASE! There is more to life than taking care of a child, no matter what society says. 

/rant

To my ranger luvs and friends and new friends,
Sorry to keep posting but I would rather you all got first dibs before anyone else.

Okay so I need to sell a few things big time before the end of this week so any help would be great. Weather it be buying my anime stuff or a commission. I will do 5$ quick sketches now.
I have been cut to only 2 days a week now of work which is barely 8 hours.Mom is also going to loser her job so I need to sell more stuff so I can pay for gas and help with food as well as my own bills.


So I am desperately asking for help here. I do warn you that shipping rates and postage rates have gone up so, do not be shocked by expensive shipping. Gas is expensive and I have to cover myself as well as make enough money to pay for school next week and books in a few weeks. I would really appreciate the help.

PLEASE I'm desperate here....Any help will be much appreciated. So pass it on to friends or buy a sweet gift for someone. [US Buyers only unless you can have it shipped to a friend here.I have trouble figuring out the calculations to other countries so I just decided id better not even try lol.]

(As for those who've bought stuff already I thank you so much It means a lot to me.)

****anyone else who asked last time please get back to me asap on if you want said items anymore.thanks guys*****
````````````````````

( ANIME FOR SALE )
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
if that doesn’t interest you then perhaps a art commission.. (will begin next batch as soon as people want one and I finish batch 1)

***ART COMMISSIONS***

bust sketch no color-5$

head to toe sketch no color-7$

digital color bust-12$

digital color full head to toe-15$

hand colored bust-20$

hand colored head to toe-22$

2$ per extra character

no back grounds as I'm still working on learning them

will pretty much draw anything but pokemon and yuri and furries.Narutos a lil iffy but I will try.




I now have 2 shops for art prints buttons etc open..
http://www.zazzle.com/koumyousanzo

http://www.cafepress.com/SavvyAndrea

Emacs's HTML Mode Sucks

Xah Lee, 2008-07

Cezar Halmagean wrote:

I have been using emacs for the past 5 years or so and I've recently stumbled upon TextMate. I love the way TextMate handles *web modes* like integration of html + javascript + css in the same file and I've always had a problem doing that in emacs.



I wonder what's the problem, why has an editor like TextMate gone so far in just a few years and Emacs is still not there yet.

perm url: http://xahlee.org/emacs/emacs_html_sucks.html ( Read more... )

There are tens or hundreds useful emacs packages on the web that are not bundled with emacs. Some are for special purposes such as making emacs act as a mp3 player, some others are written by third-parties, others are in the process of being bundled with the next release of emacs.

When you download a emacs package, typically there's a README/INSTALL file of install instructions. Or, the elisp file itself will contain installation guides in the header. Follow those. Here we give general instructions on installing packages.

perm link http://xahlee.org/emacs/emacs_installing_packages.html

Okay seriously, I am incredibly excited to hear this dub. Perfect choice for Kyoya (Michael J. Tatum who I Love as Doumeki) and Mori (Travis)! Caitlin, You rock! I was sooo happy to finally meet Caitlin as well as Travis and Luci and the others I hadn't yet.

I am so glad Vic got Tamaki because face it guys no matter what you haters say my dear friend IS Tamaki Suou both in attitude,looks and personality etc. And Caitlin as Haruhi is cuute.


The best part was hearing that Greg Ayers is Kaoru and my new and current Love Todd Haberkorn is Hikaru. I absolutely love that guy as Watanuki.

Being at the announcement was super fun, as some of you may have guessed Pammy and I did attend attend Expo this year , it was kept a secret so we could surprise Vic. Mike McFarland was hilarious all dressed in drag as Ranka. Was great to be a part of Ouran History.Pam and I were even in a funi pod cast w/video that is supposed to go up eventually.

As for all you bashers,...wow just wow, you have a right to your opinions,..but seeing as you have never heard the dub yet your fears are pretty much bogus, you have no foundation to support them. Watch it first guys then judge. I support Caitlin 100% She and Mike Know what they are doing.

Ill post more about the con later.

And yes btw I have disabled comments because this is my journal just as all of you have said and I'm not going to listen to anymore of your whiney bullshit!If you let this make you hate the anime then you were never really a fan to begin with. Besides that it seems lately no one can see past FMA,Naruto and Bleach,theres more to anime...broaden your horizons and have an open mind when you can afford it, maybe you'll see something you like.

and if this makes you de-friend me so be it,...adios and I wish you all of the best luck in your lives in the future.Thanks for the good times we have had and your help and support.

Ughhhhhhhhhh it's 4 in the morninggggg. It's so early i feel like throwing up. My eyes are blood shot too. *blinks a couple of times* I'm just sitting around watching Inuyasha. My flight leaves in 3 hours. i hope i dont sit next to an asshole or some old lady and I hope i dont have a baby behind me or infront of me. I dont mind having a baby next to me ^0^ babies are fun but only if you get to play with it.

*yawns* I wonder when my dad set his alarm?

So after 5 weeks of nothing... I emailed the author/friend who recommended her publisher. Just a I'm hanging from the ceiling by my fingernails... tell me I'm overreacting. This morning I get an email from her. 

Don't panic. The editorial staff is in the middle of a redo to streamline the process and that may be what is causing the delay... I'll see what I can find out.

Can't tell you how that eases my mind... and the fact that she hinted the Editior-in-chief is the one with my manuscript.... she's been reviewing books before they release, so there's another reason for the delay.